It is more concerning if statements made about dying are in a calmer state or something that you hear repeatedly. Help them find words to express their feelings in a better way. Have them practice saying it aloud and even write it down. Brainstorm with them about what they can say instead. Help them reframe by acknowledging how awful their feelings can feel and it makes sense that they want them to stop. Let them know you would, indeed, be devastated without them in your life. If your child is indeed emotionally vomiting when making proclamations about dying, let them know those types of statements are very serious. You mentioned wanting to kill yourself when you were upset, is that something you think about regularly? I wanted to check in with you and see if that's something that you meant? When you were so upset, you mentioned wanting to die. Once you and your child are in a calmer state, you can revisit what they said about dying in a non-anxiety-provoking way. Check in with yourself, letting your focus be on supporting your child in the moment and engaging in your own self-calming strategies. However, you don’t want to transmit that anxiety and the subsequent need to fix it right away otherwise, they may not want to share difficult emotions or situations with you. It’s common for parents’ anxiety to sky-rocket when they hear their kids making statements about wanting to die. Not talking can be very difficult, but sometimes silence truly is golden. The response to emotionally vomiting is brief, but the message that you’re trying to understand, you’re there for them, you can figure it out together is clear. Sometimes it requires sitting in silence and giving time for the emotion to calm before moving forward. Let’s take a minute, and then we’ll figure it out. Follow that up with the idea that you are there for them and can figure it out when they are ready. Reflect back what they say or continue to reflect back the emotion. It makes sense why you’re feeling so bad and overwhelmed. It’s really hard when things don’t go the way you expected. This can give children the words they don’t have in the moment. What is the emotion that is underneath? Frustration, sadness, disappointment, overwhelm? Make your best guess and make a statement about the triggering situation and emotion. It shows them you care, want to understand, and can work together to help them through the situation. Use empathy to connect with your child and diffuse the emotions by validating their emotions and experience. That being said, parents still need to take the comments seriously, once in a calmer state. In these scenarios, it is highly unlikely that children will act on those statements. These heightened emotions can be triggered from anything such as being told no, something not going as expected, having a “bad” day, or going through a difficult experience. They are trying to communicate just how bad, how intense, and how strong those feelings are. They are feeling an overwhelming amount of emotion, and they want it to stop. It’s almost impossible not to assume the worst and often leaves parents shocked and unsure of how to handle the situation.Īlthough alarming, when such statements are made in the context of a tantrum or emotional meltdown, kids are literally vomiting out all of their emotions. I want to kill myself.” Hearing such statements is SO alarming for parents. When kids are upset and distressed, they often go negative and even make statements such as, “I want to die.
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